People With Autism Are More Likely to Identify as Asexual. Why?
A 2021 study found that asexuality is “overrepresented in people with autism spectrum disorder."
Growing up, Jordan Busits never understood the appeal of romantic comedies like her friends did. When she was in middle school and a classmate asked to be her boyfriend, she recoiled and felt a “visceral” aversion.
Once she hit puberty, she thought she would start developing crushes or getting the hots for her peers. “I was raised to believe that eventually, hormones will hit you, and you’ll get attracted to boys or girls, but it just never came,” she told Uncloseted Media.
As time passed, Busits became increasingly confused. “What’s wrong with me?” she would wonder. It wasn’t until she was 17 and voiced her frustrations in her high school lunchroom that a friend suggested she may be asexual.
Although Busits had never heard of the term, she immediately felt it encapsulated her experience.
Now 27 years old, Busits describes herself as aromantic, asexual and autistic: “A triple-A battery, if you will.”
Aromanticism (ARO) and asexuality (ACE) are defined by a lack of romantic or sexual attraction to any person of any gender, though the extent of the disinterest varies by individual.
About 1% of all people identify as ACE, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN).
Busits’ experience reflects a growing body of research highlighting the connection between people with autism spectrum disorder who identify as ACE or ARO. A 2009 study about navigating adulthood with autism found that 33% of the 80-person sample “had no interest in establishing a sexual relationship, and seemed asexual in their orientation.” This finding was significant enough to warrant further research. Another 2021 study found that asexuality is “overrepresented in people with autism spectrum disorder.”
While research is limited, experts and advocates recognize a correlation. “Asexuality in people with autism is frequent,” says Mark Stokes, the head of the Healthy Autistic Life Lab at Deakin University.
Even on Tumblr, a user posted a poll in 2023 captioned: “been picking up some patterns lately… Are u neurodivergent and on the ace/aro spectrum?” Out of the 7,340 voters, 32.7% answered yes.
So, what is behind this correlation? Dena Gassner, a senior research scientist at Drexel University’s Autism Institute, says that the unpredictability of partner intimacy can deter an autistic person from sex and dating. “In an intimate moment when their partner might touch them, if they don't know the touch is coming or where it's going to come, it could lock them up. They could get very, very tense and anxiety-ridden about it,” she says.
Gassner says many autistic people experience difficulty in interoception, which is the brain’s ability to identify and process the body’s signals. They may also have sensitive startle reflexes, which could make partner intimacy feel overstimulating and unenjoyable.
She adds that many people with autism spectrum disorder also have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a condition that causes skin elasticity and hypermobile joints. With a high risk of dislocating their joints, activities like sex can be painful and risky, causing some people with both conditions to avoid it altogether.
Busits believes her asexuality is tied to the hypersensitivity she experiences as an autistic person. “Our bodies can’t handle physical contact and communication like a neurotypical can,” she says. “They can go for hours and we’d need breaks.”
According to AVEN, asexuality does not necessarily mean abstaining from sex completely; but it could mean approaching it in a particular way. Some people may feel sex-indifferent, meaning they may be willing to engage in sex to please a partner but do not desire it themselves. Or, they may feel sex-favorable, meaning they may be open to finding ways to enjoy sex with a partner. Busits says she identifies with a third category, known as sex-repulsed.
“I consider my sex repulsion not just to be an asexual thing, but more so dictated by my autism, because I wouldn't want anyone or anything so much as touching me around my lower half,” she says.
Busits says that self-pleasure is “where it gets tricky.” While some ACE people do not feel any urges to masturbate, others may explore methods that do not agitate their sensitivities. “I would not want to use a vibrator because that's a form of penetration, and I don't want that at all,” Busits says.
Stokes says that navigating the social nuances of partner intimacy may also deter some autistic people. While most autistic folks are more than capable of mastering social skills, he says they may not want to navigate both the physical and social aspects of partner intimacy at the same time. If they do seek sexual pleasure, they may prefer a solo activity like masturbation.
Gassner says that she has met many autistic women who strictly prefer bondage in sex, as it can involve clear rules like safe words that stop the interaction. It also limits a partner’s ability to touch them unexpectedly. “If you're in the dominatrix role, you have complete control over the situation,” she says.
But for many ACE and ARO people, there is zero romantic or sexual interest toward others. “It feels like there's a hole where attraction should be. I don’t feel attraction to anyone in any sense,” says Em, who is autistic and asked to go by only her first name because she is not out to her family as aromantic.
“No matter how many people I see, my brain and body simply don't react the same way others do. It feels like there's something missing mentally when I talk to others who experience it," she told Uncloseted Media.
Em believes she is asexual in part because her autism causes her to struggle with empathy. “I feel like I'm missing a full set of emotional processes that should be there. It can get rid of or minimize attraction,” she says.
A 2022 study published by the National Institutes of Health found that autistic people experience an imbalance between cognitive and emotional empathy. While a neurotypical person can more easily identify another person’s emotions and understand what those emotions feel like, a neurodivergent person may struggle to do both simultaneously.
“Empathy is a complex phenomenon, and empathetic presentation varies across individuals with autism,” says Stokes, adding that the idea that autistic people do not feel empathy is “entirely untrue.” He says that about 50% of people on the autism spectrum have alexithymia, the trait that makes it challenging to identify and process emotions. Alexithymia can reduce one’s ability to emotionally connect with others, which may decrease their desire for a romantic relationship.
Busits says that since first identifying as asexual in 2017, she has noticed more acceptance and understanding from those around her. “Now I'm seeing people walking into our bookstore wearing pins like the asexuality or the aromantic pride flag, so I think there’s a positive shift of us being allowed to be more open about our sexualities.”
However, Busits says adding the autism layer to asexuality causes a specific kind of ignorance.
“Many people just assume we're more juvenile, that we can't understand the concept of a romantic relationship or the idea of having sex with another person. I don't think I need to explain to you how horribly rude and ableist that is,” she says. “It would be like saying homosexuals only go for the same sex because they don't understand anything about the opposite sex.”
While autistic people disproportionately identify as ACE or ARO, 67% of autistic participants in the 2009 study are still interested in sex and romance.
In fact, some autistic people may enjoy sex more than neurotypical folks because it gives them an intense sensory reaction that feels pleasurable. “There are sensory seekers who like deep pressure and physical contact; for those people, sex is fun,” says Gassner.
For people on the autism spectrum, a lack of desire for partner intimacy does not mean a lack of love for others. Em says she is open to a partnership and hopes to find someone who understands and accepts her identity. “Without attraction, I tend to have higher standards than [people who aren’t aromantic],” she says. “It needs to be a practical pairing and something we’re both emotionally invested in. And without attraction, I can find somebody from basically any group of people regarding their gender or sexuality.”
AVEN classifies this kind of relationship as queerplatonic: a non-romantic and non-sexual partnership that is more intimate and committed than a friendship. Queerplatonic partners may, for instance, live together, co-parent and share a bed but not marry or have sex with one another.
“I’ve noticed there’s a love hierarchy in society,” says Busits. “Friendships, family, and sibling relationships are always put below romantic and sexual relationships. How one would consider a wife and her husband to have a stronger form of love than a wife and her friends is ridiculous. Why do platonic relationships have to be seen as lesser?”
Gassner says it is essential to promote that an asexual identity does not mean a complete avoidance of sexual activity. She says it is not only a matter of awareness but also a matter of safety, adding that it is critical people on the autism spectrum have access to sex education. "Instead of teaching them how to be safe and how to make their own decisions, we often withhold the information, thinking, 'Oh, they're so developmentally delayed they don't need to have this knowledge.'"
Busits and Em both hope to see more awareness, representation and respect for people on the autism spectrum, people in the ACE/ARO community and, of course, people who are both.
“I think it would be nice if people got more comfortable with the idea that autistic asexuals aren't just, like, living a stereotype,” says Busits. “Even if we're a small part of the population, we're still here, and we still deserve to be represented. Autism and asexuality are both very complicated identities. We shouldn't be just put in a box.”
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May I make a suggestion? Consider this: autistic people do not internalize social roles and expectations the same way that allistic (non-autistic) people do. Therefore, there are less barriers that would prevent an autistic person from realizing that they are also on the asexual spectrum. There. That's it, that's the explanation. Boom. Now you don't need to imply that autism is inherently a defect that forces us to identify as asexual.
Frankly, this article is highly offensive and suggests that autistic people are uniquely primed to be asexual because we're not allistic. Asexuality is solely about sexual attraction. Things like social anxiety over being misunderstood by allistic romantic partners, or sensory issues restricting what kinds of sexual activity one can do, are things that affect allosexual (non-asexual) autists too. Those things didn't make me ace. Not experiencing sexual attraction made me ace.
Thank you.